what have I become.... ?

Due to inquiring minds.......here we go again.....

One week prior to Christmas, I was on instant messager on FB with Cara, my sister in law. I happen to think in my head at that time, "UGH, I'm late......but give it a day or two and it'll come" See, for the past two years, since Troy and I arrived in Denver, we tried to get pregnant, with no success. Finally, mid summer we sat down and really talked about it. We decided that now wasn't the time, and when it truly was time that God would let us know, or surprise us. So on we went with our lives. Back to the instant messager......I mention to Cara, I think I'm late. She convinced me to go to walgreens during work hours to get a test. I came back, peed on the stick, and went back to my office. After the 3 minutes, I went back to my restroom (I say MY b/c I'm the only woman that works there) and grabbed the stick and went back to my office. I looked at it. I looked at it again. It was negative, or so I thought.......I called Cara and while looking at it, I realized, this isn't negative, ITS POSITIVE. (Clearly I need the digital read out next time.....)I tell her its positive and from there we discuss this new news.

Now here we are.......February......two weeks until my next appointment.........6 weeks until we find out the gender. My belly has popped, and today I looked down and saw it....REALLY saw it. No lies, I'm a little freaked out. I had moved on past the idea of being a mom right now, I detached myself from the entire idea. I moved on to entertainment......NBA games, snowboarding......fun stuff that Troy and I could do as a couple before children come...if they even did. Now as a shock, an almost Ooops, if you will, I have to get used to the idea of a little one. I find myself walking past the baby section- when I used to peek.....I won't go into the nursery where we've started buying things (furniture, small things....). I had to close the door to the nursery, because during all of this I've had severe morning sickness, and the sight of baby things made me gag/dryheave/wretch......whatever your word of choice may be. Its almost a severe nervousness. I have since realized, this is completely normal. And that when I start showing, and the morning sickness goes away, I will love being pregnant. I have my doubts, but we'll see. My mom told me the first time she felt her baby (either me or Josh, not sure which one) she said it felt like a cricket moving around in there. REALLY MOM??? Yikes. a cricket. Really. The things that you, mom, used to pay Josh and I $1 each to kill in the basebent. or was that cockroaches??????

Anyway, I think today was the first of many days to come where I actually felt pregnant. Maybe this is real after all.